knowing when to move on

Love is like great literature -- beautiful and terrifying and sublime, all at once.

And after living in Manhattan, an island over which millions of bodies pass each day, and feeling the utter anonymity of the world, I have formed a new reverence for true encounters of the soul. Each connection of heart-penetrating, free, reciprocal love is a miracle.

As such, it is not for us to understand why some turn away from it or settle for something less due to ease or accessibility. It is instead for us to accept.

I have done the best I could do.

Sometimes, we reach the point where a situation can't be fixed. We've made our investment and fought our best fight, and we see that it's just not going to work out. At least for now.

I'm here. I've loved you as well as I could.

As always, Papa K in his handyman wisdom said it best. Sorry, dad, but this one is too good not to share:

When I have something that I use/need/want, and it breaks, I try to fix it. I try my best to fix it. If I can't fix it, I either do without it or I replace it. Usually, I don't throw it away. I keep it, somewhere. Sometimes, when I come back to it, I fix it! Sometimes when I come back to it, it fixed itself.

And here I sit, belly full of delicious homemade food and a mind full of new ideas because I've made an extraordinary connection in the ceaseless riptide of New York faces. "You may not have ended up in Maine this summer," she told me tonight on her Williamsburg rooftop, "but the universe brought me to you." Yet again, a miracle amid darkness.

I cannot fix this without your help. So I am putting it aside. 

I am a 21 year old woman continuing on my path toward something more amazing than I could imagine. Though I'm shuffling, I'm putting one foot in front of the other, knowing I've been fortunate to love as I've loved- with the very essence and fiber of my being. For, as I've been told countless times, many people never do.

I don't know where I'm headed, but I take comfort in knowing there is time enough to make many more mistakes and more and deeper connections with souls I've yet to meet. How amazing is that?

And indeed there will be time

For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,

Rubbing its back upon the window panes;

There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate;

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea.

You know who you are. 

I'll be seeing you.